Is your story believable? - I feel that my story is believable because it has precise tone that comes across as believable.
Is your story rhythmic? - My story is reasonably well paced, it slows down when it gets to important details and finished on a good conclusion.
Do your sentences sound meaningful or emotional? - In my own opinion, I feel that my story is emotional if you consider the fact that Portal has had a massive impact on my life, and also in my opinion I feel that that also is a meaningful time.
Is your story enjoyable? "You can see very clearly that the story written obviously meant a lot to the author and was a big event in his life. Not much happend which made the story drag a little but all in all it was well written."
Do you want to find out more? "No."
My life changing experience
Back in 2007, it was May 21st. My Birthday. That day was the best day of my life. I can remember it like it was yesterday. I received some paper money from my parents but was still waiting on my gift from my Aunt. Everything was going great that day, I had the family round, we all had a good laugh and joke; arranged a meal to go out to for food. Eventually my Aunt turned up with my gift, I was really excited to see what she had got me. I unwrapped it as fast as I could, ripping the paper off rapidly to then reveal the gift that changed my life. Portal. The most amazing game that I have ever played. My face lit up when I saw it, I rean straight to my computer and installed it on Steam. I couldn't wait for it to finish downloading, when it did, we had to go out for the meal that we all arranged so I had to wait until I got back to play it. I ran into the house and went straight onto my computer and smashed the left click button on my mouse to click play. The start menu of the game loaded, and from then on until I completed it, the outside world just didn't exist to me. Life as we know it left my brain and all then went through my mind was portals. This all sounds very sad :P but hey? I was like 12 or 13. THE END!!! :P
Now the same paragraph without adjectives or adverbs
Back in 2007, it was May 21st. My Birthday. That day was the best day of my life. I can remember it like it was yesterday. I received some paper money from my parents but was still waiting on my gift from my Aunt. Everything was going great that day, I had the family round, we all had a good laugh and joke; arranged a meal to go out to for food. Eventually my Aunt turned up with my gift, I was really excited to see what she had got me. I unwrapped it as fast as I could, ripping the paper off to then reveal the gift that changed my life. Portal. The most amazing game that I have ever played. My face lit up when I saw it, I rean straight to my computer and installed it on Steam. I couldn't wait for it to finish downloading, when it did, we had to go out for the meal that we all arranged so I had to wait until I got back to play it. I ran into the house and went straight onto my computer and smashed the left click button on my mouse to click play. The start menu of the game loaded, and from then on until I completed it, the outside world just didn't exist to me. Life as we know it left my brain and all then went through my mind was portals. This all sounds very sad :P but hey? I was like 12 or 13. THE END!!! :P
There isn't much change in my paragraph that was changed. A few words were taken out but its not very noticeable.
The history of story telling:
Throughout this further text I shall be talking to you about the history of story telling. Story telling goes back for years and has gradually changed throughout the years. The first ever form of story telling was a cave painting that was discovered in France from the Lascaux caves located inside the Pyrenees mountains. It was a discovered by a group of French children back in 1940.
Aesop's Fables were written down in the 200s B.C. His stories were remember for many years with out having any pieces of paper or any other type of printed material. Aesop's stories were so powerful and such full of inspiration that 300 years later, his stories were revered enough for mass production.
Game Genres:
There are many different types of game genres out there in our world today, with so many opinions from others reflecting off them. Some good, some bad. Below are some pictures with a brief explanation of what they are:
Puzzle:
The puzzle genre is all about solving puzzles using the type of mechanic that the game offers. I really enjoy puzzle games simply because I really like Portal. Different mechanics in different games help you go through the game itself, in this case with Portal 2 (the screenshot on the left) you have a gun that shoots portals to complete a series of puzzles. This affects the story because GLaDOS (the a.i core that speaks to you throughout the game) wants you to test the gun.
Horror:
Horror games can be quite hard to pull off properly believe it or not. Doing too much of the same thing can make the game not scary, that could be like, too many jump scares etc. In Slender: The Arrival, you look through a camera recorder to navigate around the levels and progress in the story. Slender will appear at random which may cause the camera to have sudden sparks of static going across the screen, this effects the players visibility to see what they are doing. With the horror genre, it makes the game more immersive.
First person Shooter:
On a consol, first person shooters are most probably the most popular type of games. People who really like games like Battlefield, Section 8, PlanetSide 2, etc, would most likely choose this genre as their favourite. A first person shooter is a game where you look into the game as the player itself most commonly holding some form of gun/weapon. If you're holding a gun in a first person shooter, you're more than likely going to be firing at something at a long distance, or shooting enemies to clear the objective, this can make the story more action packed and keep the player entertained.
Massively Online Battle Arena (MOBA):
If you play on PC, you must be familiar with a MOBA. Whether it's League of Legends or Dota 2, you WOULD have heard of a MOBA. Both games I just listed are very addictive and are essentially the same game. The genre is a top down battle arena where both side has the aim to destroy the enemy's life source, to do so, you have to get through a series of towers which are then followed by enemy minions which is then also followed by other players/champions.
Role Playing Game (RPG):
Role playing games in my opinion are absolutely amazing. The amount of possibility when it comes to making your own path for the story is massive. An RPG type game really enhances your experience to go beyond reality when it comes using various magic, or crafting your own weapons etc. This affects the story experience because the player creates their own path to proceed with the game just by their own choices.
Racing:
Racing games are not my specialty when it comes to game genres. When ever I think racing, I think the word fast. Your aim it to try your best to get into first place without being over taken by other players. You drive a car of your choice in a 3rd person perspective. I think driving really fast in racing games is something most racing fans want to do, this can make the story more gripping and entertaining just from the sheer adrenalin rush you'd get from driving really fast.
Simulator:
Simulator games in my opinion are really quite boring. Simulators ty to simulate real life depending on it's aim, so that could be a simulator about trains. You basically play the role of what a Train does in everyday life. The mechanic of the game is essentially doing what a train does in real life, you just have to be in control of that in a simulator. Being in control of something makes the player feel powerful, especially when it goes right so I feel that the mechanic of this particular simulator does that well.
Story:
Based on a non-true story. It's Wednesday
afternoon at about 2:30PM. The sun is beaming down on the city of Denver. The
story takes place with a 24-year-old guy, drinking coffee at the local coffee
shop just around the corner from his flat. "More coffee sir?", a
young girl, looked about 19 or 20, came over. Brad replied, "Uh, no
thanks, I was just on my way". Getting up quite fast, Brad tucked his
chair underneath the table and walked out the shop. He walked round the corner
and saw the entrance to his apartment about 5 blocks away from where he was
walking. A loud noise echoed louder and louder, getting closer. Brad put the
key inside the apartment door and looked behind him to see a long row of cars
all moving out the way for two Police cars which appear to be driving really
fast down the narrow road. Taking a deep breath, Brad twisted the key inside
the keyhole to open the apartment door. He walked in and slammed the door
behind him. Rubbing his head with his eyes closed, Brad walked towards the
staircase to get to his room. "Get out! I don't want you coming back here
again!". 'The neighbours', Brad thought to himself, 'For ever arguing over
small things'. He entered his room and threw his keys on top the wooden shelf,
which is nailed to the wall on the right of where he walked in. Taking yet
another deep breath, Brad switched on the TV and then made his way to the
Kitchen. He opened the top cupboard door and pulled out a loaf of bread and cut
off to slices with the knife that was on top the drainage. After buttering the
bread and putting several slices of ham in it, he walked into the living room
and sat down. Whilst doing so, Brad noticed the news was on. Brad switched over
the TV to the documentary channel.
An echoing chime passed through the hallway in to
Brads ears, the phone was ringing. Putting his sandwich to one side, he got up
and answered the phone. "Hello?" Brad answered. A voice replied,
"Is this Mr Hunter-Spokes?" "Yeah". "It’s your boss, I
got a notice message on my desk earlier today saying that you wanted a word
with me?", "Uh yeah I did um, basically, I found a new job and I
wanted to let you know that I will be leaving my job with you right away".
Brads (Now old boss) just ended the call. Brad had a slight smirk and put
the phone back into it's holder, finishing of his sandwich, Brad hoped
he'd made the right decision whether to quit his job there and then just encase
he'd hadn't got his new one which was a co-manager job at his local
retail store.
(Later that day) The clock just hit 9:15PM and
Brad thought that he would get an early night for his job interview tomorrow
morning. Next day. With his teeth cleaned and his suit on, Brad left for his
car and drove off. Pulling up outside the local retail shop, Brad got out of
his car and straightened his suit.
"Next!" Brad heard the deep loud voice
and followed it towards a large brown door with a posh looking handle. He
opened it and walked in, looking instantly to the right of him because of the
row of four people sat down on a very intimidating table, caught his
eye. Slowly closing the door so that barley any sound is
made, Brad walked over to the chair in front of the table and sat down to
introduced him. He took his first breath to start talking and introduce himself
but the women on the very end of the table cut in and almost instantly said,
"So why are you here today?". Brad spoke up, "I'm here for the
co-mana" (The guy with the deep voice in second on the table cut him off)
"that job offer was yesterday, todays job is for the assistant manager
job". "What? I thought that was today, it said on the notice board
out on the front window?". The guy with the deep voice replied again
saying, "That was wrong, the receptionist we had that made it was fired
because of it". "Oh right, I will just leave then".
All that was rushing through Brads mind was how
he was going to live with no money; he was bringing in no money in order to
support himself. The only thing he could think of trying is if he asked for his
old job back. Getting into his car and speeding off towards the bank, Brad’s
hands were shaking. He pulled up outside the bank and rushed into the manager’s
office. Stuttering and shaking, Brad explained his problem to the his old boss.
All this boss had to say was, "Sorry, but we have someone new already,
this person has taken your old job. Sorry". With his mouth left
open speechless, Brads eyes watered up, he turned around and walked off
towards the exit door. Opening his car door and slamming it shut behind him, he
hit his head on his steering wheel with his eyes shut, thinking.
Thinking about what he is going to do next.
Brad eventually went back home
and collapsed on his couch with his hand landing in his head and
stayed there until he drifted off to sleep. The bleeping alarm woke brad up at
7:00AM because that’s the time he usually has to get up for work. He decided to
get ready for the day and go off for a little walk to ease the tension for
himself. Locking the door behind him, Brad left the apartment building and
started walking towards the park entrance. Whilst doing this, he saw a poster
that flew off and landed in an ally way in between two apartment buildings.
Brad picked it up and highlighted red on the top of the poster page, he
instantly saw "Jobs needed!", with a number on the bottom, he wrung
it straight away and a women answered. Brad started the conversation off with,
" Hi um, I was wondering if there were still any jobs going, I’ve recently
just saw one of your advertisement posters". The women on the
other line replied, "yeah we do actually, if you want to come on down now
if you have time, we could give you an interview?", with a smile raised on
Brads face, "Yeah sure, that’s fine. Um, can I just ask, part of this
poster is ripped and it doesn't actually show where this job is at or
what it's for, could you give me some insight on this please?". With a two
point one second delay, the women replied, "The job is at a Mental Asylum
and the job is something we like to call 'caring and sharing'. Basically, the
job is about talking to the patients and helping them express there feelings
and getting them to talk with confidence". Brads
smile slowly faded, "Um, okay, i'll be right there".
Brad knew which Asylum he was going to, there
was only one in the city. He felt un-easy about this job but he knew that right
now it was his only option to earn money again. Slowly picking up the speed in
his car and taking a deep breath, he headed for the mental asylum.
Chapter 2
Arriving at the
Asylum, slowly looking up upon a massive grey building. Everything was silent
and the wind started to pick up quite a lot. Brad stepped out of his car and
shut the door, still looking at the asylum. The main entrance doors opened as
Brad was walking towards them. The women who Brad spoke on the phone, walked out
the entrance doors and towards him, “Are you Brad? Here for the interview?”
“Yeah I am” Brad replied.
She instantly turned
around, gave the impression that Brad had to follow her so he did. He walked
through the main entrance doors to reveal an open space lobby, which eventually
led to a long corridor.
“You can go on through now” she said
whilst sitting down on her desk chair.
“How did you see me coming in?” Brad
asked?
“I saw you park your car and I just
assumed it’ll be you, we don’t get many visitors here”.
Brad walked down into
the corridor and walked through the only door that was open, ‘Must be the room’
he thought to himself.
Brad noticed that
there was only one guy interviewing him this time. He felt more relaxed and
confident now. The guy interviewing him looked for friendly, casual clothes,
neat haircut and a positive smile as Brad walked in. They shook hands as Brad
sat down.
“Brad, is that correct?” A young voice,
looked about 27-ish and sounded like he had a humoristic personality.
“Yeah that’s correct, I’m guessing your
receptionist told you?”
“Yes she did, she is very on top of her
job. Question is, will you be? This job requires complete full concentration on
the patients, learning their aspects, seeing how they react in certain
situations and environments, can you do that?”
Brad looked at him
with a very puzzled face
“Umm, I worked in a Bank?”
The interviewer
lowered his glasses slightly and looked directly into Brads eyes, raised a
smile and suddenly said,
“You’re in!”
A smile rose on Brads
face, bigger than the last time. Brad stood up and offered the interviewer for
a handshake by launching his hand in to his directional filed of view. The
interviewer stared at his hand for 1½ second and shook Brads hand. Walking out,
proud of his performance, Brad kept thinking good game.
Brad walked over to
the receptionist and said,
“So, when do I start?”
“Now, I’ll show you to your room where
you will work and see the patients.” She replied instantly.
Brad opened the door
to his office, a brown desk and a professional looking chair to sit on, same
for the patients chair which is in front of the desk. Grey carpet and light
brown walls, a plant in the corner to bring out the colour more.
“I can live with this” Brad said confidently.
“Your first patient is a 23 year old women named Anna. She
suffers from a severe condition of Schizophrenia and we barely know anything
about her. Good luck new comer”.
The receptionist shut
the door before Brad could have a chance to speak; he pulled his chair out and
sits down. A speaker in the corner of the room echoed a voice, “Anna is on her
way in”. Brads eyes were pealed on the doorknob, waiting for it to turn. Brad
saw the doorknob twist, creaking and slowly turning round to reveal the beam of
light, shinning through the gap of the door. It opened, a blond women walked on
in. Her head face facing down and she
looked pale white. Restrained from much movement because of the armless coat
she was in, she sat down with her face still looking down. The only bit of
colour she seemed to have was the blond hair on her head.
Link to text game: http://make.textadventures.co.uk/Play/Play.aspx?id=28503
This spider-scribe map below shows the CSI character profiles/backgrounds and also had dialog tree.
Link to text game: http://make.textadventures.co.uk/Play/Play.aspx?id=28503
This spider-scribe map below shows the CSI character profiles/backgrounds and also had dialog tree.
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